RE: Statements Regarding Expectations of a Sandwich

 

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From: Dave

There was a time in my life when Antone’s held a position of honor next to my heart.  Their sandwiches were good.  I went to the local Spec’s today and saw them lined up there, wrapped neatly in their butcher paper as they used to be, marinating in that relish they used to use, and I was flooded with nostalgia.  I assumed, “these must be from the original Antone’s.  I mean, after all, they’re at specs”.  

 

No sir.  No sir.  

 

I was incorrect.  

 

It *may* be possible to have a more disappointing encounter with a sandwich, but aside from removing its panties to discover it is a hot dog masquerading as a sandwich, I think this is about as bad as it gets.  I mean, I’d list the ways it was awful, but it will be easier to list the good parts.  It said “Antones” on it and was wrapped in white butcher paper.  Also, it had been sitting a cooler for what seemed an appropriate amount of time for the Yum! Brands patented ham-flavor #14 and cheese-flavor #5 to marry.  That’s it.  They didn’t even have the orange relish stuff that was so good.  Eff.  EFF.

 

I need to lay down.

 

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From: Garrett

You have no one to  blame but yourself.  Why didn't you just go to Antone's?  It's not like the one at San Felipe and the Loop is far from where you work.

 

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From: Ben

Yeah, I grabbed a sandy there the other night. Ham and Swiss with dill pickles and dijonaise.  Delicious!

 

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From: Dave

(shaking head)

That’s not Antones.  

 

That’s what happens when an evil predator-type alien tears open antones’ body, pulls out its insides, and wears it around like a buffalo bill style skinsuit.  (Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me).  Yeah.  like that. But with a SANDWICH.  

 

The only Antones left is in rice village.  

 

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From: Ben

That was very creepy

 

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From: Robert

Ok, let me crack an egg of knowledge on you bitches. There were before the turn of the century there were three Antones. One on Voss and San Felipe, one on Taft and Dallas and one in the Village. They were amazing! They made the sandwiches in front of you they had a super a regular and a ham (there were others but they don’t need to be mentioned). It was the best sandwich place in Houston until they sold the Eff out and franchised it to a bunch of no talent ass clowns. Now Antones is dead to me.

 

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From: Joey

I am sorry that I am just getting in on this, but here we go:

 

Dave – You know better than that.  Just like you don’t get the Antone’s sandwich at the Kroger, you don’t get the F’ing sandwich at Specs.

Robert – I would like you to do a PIIYF article of things that are dead to you.  It would be the first 200,000 word article on the site

Garrett – You didn’t know any better.  Now you do.  Ok. We agree this will never happen again.

Ben – Did you go to the Village to get the sandwich? If not you are a part of the problem and not the solution.  Now fix it.

 

 

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From: Dave

I DO know better than that.  

But they were surrounded by pates and salami and exquisite cheeses from around the world.  I figured if they’d go to France for some cheese, they’d go to Rice for a sandwich.  Alas.  They would not.  

 

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From: Ben

No, I did not go to the Village, and, yet, my sandwich was delicious.  I guess I'm not burdened by the belief that I have a super-sophisticated palate.

 

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From: Garrett

You're also not burdened by the crushing sense of nostalgia.

 

 

END