I had promised myself never to write another column documenting my decadence and alcoholism, but it’s hard to keep promises to yourself when you’re a compulsive liar, and use binge drinking as a way to secretly engage in bulimia so people don’t judge you for wanting to be skinny, God!!!!! Some people don’t have to time to “work out” and “eat salads” and “not eat a large bowl of queso” as a snack, or when you get bored, or when you cry because no one loves you.

 

Moving on. The best part about going out on a Thursday is the people. The people who enjoy a delicious Bomb de Jager on a week night are making a statement. They are making a statement to those poor souls who drink a glass of wine and home. They are saying “Hey, I may have a drinking problem, but you’re a f*cking loser”. Or on the other hand, they might be saying “I hate my life, and I hope I pass out driving on the way home”, or maybe “Even though I ate 2 hours ago, I think it would be nutritional to eat a Triple Triple from Whataburger right now”. My point is this: No one wants to grow up, and these weekday rebels at least act upon it. Does anyone really want to finish that power point on the nuances of the Asian marketplace? No, they don’t. Because Asians are sneaky and they smell like nail polish.

 

Now, I know as the years progress, it gets increasing pathetic to drink during the week, especially when your wife is being such a nagging b*tch about how “your kids need a father figure”, but for those of you without “obligations” or as my dad likes to call me, his little “condom-breaker”, I might be a good idea to enjoy the week night cocktails while you can.

 

-Jeter

 

Quote of the Week:

 

“I want a girl who doesn’t want me to call her” –Anonymous